I never thought of him as my “imaginary friend,” but I suppose that was what everyone thought Jesse was. He first arrived at my window the night my mommy died. I was crying, hugging my blanket to my face to catch the tears. A cool summer breeze wafted through, and I heard him.
“What’s wrong?”
He sounded around my age of almost ten. I sniffed, looking out the window at the other apartment across the alley, but no one was there. It sounded like it was closer than that anyways.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Jesse. I heard you crying, and I don’t like it when people cry. Can I fix what’s wrong?”
I hugged my knees up to my chest, another sniff echoing off the brick walls outside my window.
“My mommy just died.”
“Oh.” He paused for a long time before he asked, “What happened?”
“She was having a baby, and Daddy said something happened after she had my brother and she died.”
I blinked back the tears again, not wanting to make the voice sad.
“I’m sorry.”
“I hate my brother,” I whispered. “I didn’t want him, anyways. I wanted a sister and I want my mom.”
“I would be happy with a brother or a sister. I’m all alone.”
“You got me.”
It sounded like the voice was smiling when he asked, “I do?”
“Yeah.” I swiped at my nose. “I’ll be here every night to talk with you, Jesse.”
“Cool.” He paused for another second. “What’s your name?”
“Sarah. My name is Sarah.”
“That’s a good name.” There’s a smile in his voice, and one of my own tugged onto my lips.
“Sarah!” Daddy’s voice called.
I sighed. “I gotta go. Will you be here later?”
“Yeah,” Jesse stated solemnly. “I’ll always be here.”
~ ~ ~
The next few years flew by, and I kept my word. Every night I would open the window to sit and talk through my day with Jesse. He told me a little about his life, and though no one believed my window seat friend was real, we formed a deep friendship during those years.
On my thirteenth birthday, I got into a huge fight with Dad. I stormed into my room and slammed the door hard enough to knock the frame that held the last family picture we had with Mom off my wall. It hit the floor, creating a jagged line through the glass. I plunked it onto my desk before stomping over to the window. Shoving my face into one of my pillows, I screamed with everything in
me.
“Sarah?”
I hadn’t realized the window was open, and a blush stole up my neck.
“Sorry, Jesse.”
“What happened?”
“Dad and I got into a fight.”
“What about?”
“He doesn’t like the friends I’ve made at school. He says they’re bad influences.” I snorted. “But it’s not like we go anywhere else where I can make friends. Not with a three-year-old brother in tow.”
“Hey, you got me.”
“I guess.”
Silence greeted that comment, and I winced. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s just … you can’t go shopping with me or watch a movie or go out to eat.”
“No. I can’t.” His voice held a trace of anger and I shifted. “But you know what? I don’t want any of that. What I want, more than anything, is a family like yours.”
“Like mine?” I gasped a little. “An overprotective dad and a pest of a little brother?”
“No. A dad who loves me enough to care, and a little brother who’s only a pest because he loves you that much. A house where people care about you and want you around.”
A tear slides down my check and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. “I’m being selfish, aren’t I?”
“A little bit.” The smile was back in his voice and I released a huffed breath of relief. “But we all can be selfish sometimes.”
“Jesse?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for helping me be less selfish.”
“Anytime, Sarah.” He cleared his throat. “And just so you know, I’ll always be here for you.”
~ ~ ~
I spent less and less time at the window as I grew older. But on certain nights, when theloneliness of high school seemed overwhelmingly bad, I’d crawl to the window and open it.
It was one of those nights. I grabbed my comforter and curled up on the seat. The cold wind blew as I threw open the window, December snow piled on the fire escape. But I needed a friend, and Jesse … maybe he had his window open?
“Hey, Sarah.”
I nearly burst into tears. His voice had deepened in the years we’d conversed. It was soothing though, knowing that no matter what, Jesse would be at the window when I needed him.
“Why do you have you window open?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Why do have yours open?”
“I wanted to talk to you, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“Yeah.” I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “Do you know everyone thinks I’m crazy?
I’ve stopped talking about you with other people.”
“Do you know that your brother’s come and talked to me in your window?”
“What?”
“Yeah. All last year when he came home from Kindergarten, he’d come sit in the window and talk and talk and talk.”
“Oh, Levi is gonna get it tomorrow.” I laughed.
“Don’t get to anger at him.” Jesse sighed and it sounded defeated. “It was nice having someone to talk to.”
Why does that hurt so badly? I winced, rubbing at my chest.
“What’d you want to talk about, Sarah?”
I tugged my knees to my chest, sighing slightly. “I guess I wanted to complain. I feel like that’s all I do when I talk to you.”
“It’s okay. Sometimes we just need someone to vent to.”
“Then why don’t you ever do it?”
“Because I’ve learned that complaining doesn’t fix my problems.”
“Ouch.” I slapped my hand over my mouth, but Jesse laughed.
“Sometimes truth hurts.”
“Yeah, I know.” I blinked back the tears that wanted to trail down my cheeks.
“What’s wrong, Sarah?”
“Why don’t people like me, Jesse?” I hiccupped before groaning into my hands. “I don’t want to be popular and have a ton of friends, but at the same time … I just want a friend.”
“What happened to Stacy?”
Was that really the last time I talked to him? I groaned. “I’ve been horrible about keeping up with you. I’m sorry.”
“So Stacy isn’t a friend anymore?” There’s a trace of humor in his voice and I feel my shoulders relax.”
“No, she found a boyfriend and up and dumped me as a friend.”
“Then she’s stupid.”
I gasped before dissolving into giggles. “Wow. You’re in a no-nonsense mood tonight, aren’t you?”
“Life is too short to not be blunt.”
“I suppose so.”
We talked for a long time, until both our teeth were chattering, and I knew if I didn’t close the window soon, Dad was going to have an aneurism when he got the heat bill.
I was about to close it when Jesse’s voice stopped me. “Hey, Sarah?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t wait so long to give me an update next time? Okay?”
“I won’t, Jesse. I’m sorry for taking you for granted.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Like I said before …” He paused and I finished for him.
“You’ll always be right there.”
“Yeah.”
~ ~ ~
I went away to college, but on summer breaks Jesse was still there, listening to all my updates about life. He was there the summer my first college boy broke my heart, when a friend died in a drunk driving accident, when my little brother made it to middle school.
I found out that Levi had taken up my job of updates, coming into my room once or twice a week to talk to Jesse. It was the link that drew Levi and me together. Dad still didn’t believe us, that there was a voice in the window that loved to listen and ask questions.
Senior year came and went. I graduated college with honors and was so happy to be home before packing up and moving to a house of my own. Yet, when I got home and stepped into my room, my sight landed on the window. I walked over to it, flinging open the blinds and the pane and leaning out.
“Jesse?”
No response.
My chest tightened and I climbed out onto the escape. Never once in the eleven years we had talked had I dared to do this, but something in me had to know. Had to see the boy who had been my constant companion throughout my life.
The fire escape ladder was shaky, but I crossed it to the window next to mine, daring to peak in and hope it was the right one.
The room was pained a pale blue. All over it were pictures of landscapes.
The Grand Canyon.
Niagara Falls.
The rolling hills of Scotland.
The ocean with dolphins.
And so many more. A bed sat under the window. A man lay on his side, his eyes closed. His chest rose and fell, but it was what sat next to the bed that made my heart ache more than anything.
A wheelchair.
I hesitated only a moment before tapping on the glass.
The man stirred, managing to turn himself toward the window. His eyes grew round when he saw me and he hurried to lift himself up and open the window.
“Um … hi.” I swallowed, feeling all sorts of stupid for climbing across the escape to his window.
“Sarah?” His mouth twisted in a bemused smirk. “What are you doing here?”
“I … I called out and you didn’t respond.”
“I was asleep.” His eyes were a brilliant blue, not the color I had imagined, but somehow right. They sparkled in humor as he leans against his arms on the window ledge. “Also, Lev
i failed to mention you were coming home this weekend.”
“Not just this weekend. For good.” I smiled, but it felt forced. “Well, for good until I can find my own apartment.”
“You graduated?” He smiled at me, but it looked as strained as mine felt. “Good for you, Sarah.”
“But …” I swallowed the words, sitting on the fire escape.
“But what?”
“Why doesn’t it feel like a good thing? To be moving out and growing up?”
“Change isn’t fun.”
“Have you always …?” I gestured to him and he nodded.
“I learned to accept it when I was eight that I wouldn’t be walking again. I’d lay here some days and hear you playing with your dolls if your window was open. Then that one day you were crying, and I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to help.”
“You did.” I felt bold and reached out to lay my hand on his. “You have helped me through every hard point in my life, Jesse.”
He smiled. “You’ve been my best friend, Sarah.”
“You didn’t even know what I looked like!”
“Did I have to?” He furrowed his brows and shook his head. “I knew about your heart. About your struggles and your joys. I know your relationship with your dad has gotten better over the last three years. Your brother and you are now great friends. And you’re an amazing woman.”
A blush had climbed into my cheeks and I laughed nervously. “Thank you, Jesse.”
“Can I ask you one thing though?”
“What?”
“What took you so long to come here?” He gestured to his window.
“I suppose … I guess I didn’t want the magic to end.”
He hesitated, but then tugged my hands to that I was leaning halfway through his window. “Who said it has to end?”
I smiled. “I suppose you know me better than anyone.”
“And if you’re willing, I want you to get to know me better too.”
“I’d like that.”
“I hoped you would.” He cupped my cheek, brushing his lips with mine.
“Jesse?” I murmured when he leaned back.
“What?”
“I’m going to always be right here with you.”
He chuckled before kissing me again. “Good to know, Sarah. Very good to know.”
The End
(c) Anna Augustine 2021
I love this!!